When you wake up and get your period and you’re like “oh that’s why I was crying uncontrollably last night over a jelly bean”

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It’s 1:27 am. Sitting on the porch smoking this cigarette. The only thing that’s keeping me somewhat sane. I think about you every single day. It feels like your dead. Like I’m mourning the loss of your pathetic ass. I keep thinking about what it’s going to be like in a year. I keep thinking of every memory I have of us. And then I keep thinking how it went so wrong. How I drove you to the point where you want absolutely nothing to do with me. And it’s still hard to understand how I can still be so madly in love with you and how you wanted me gone so badly. You said these things happen and to move on. Maybe it was that easy to you. But why? How? There’s so many thoughts racing through my head from the time I wake up until the time I retire. I see your posts on Facebook and my heart drops down to my ass every single time. You don’t understand the sleepless nights. The insane thoughts. The hopes and dreams for a drunk 3 am call saying you miss me. The longing for your love, your touch, your voice. One more night with you like none of this ever happened. The many many tears that fall. The regret I feel. The anxiety. But then I remember, you really don’t even care about any of that. I don’t think you ever will. Because I’m selfish. And now it’s 1:37 am and all I want is for you to be next to me sharing another cigarette holding me. But I have to accept that it’s all over now. The battle lost. I love you. I always will. Forever and always fucker.

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The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters (via larmoyante)
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